This biopsy could be my release finally. This biopsy could be the beginning of yet another struggle. Endometrial cancer? That is of course the worst case scenario. Next is possible infertility. Now, how fair is that? I chose to wait until I was 30 to pursue starting a family and I've already lost one ovary? I chose to be responsible and wait until I was more emotionally and financially stable.
I wanted to travel and see the world (and I have seen a lot of places), before committing to the beautiful gift of being a mother. I see drug addicts and abusive angry people birthing offspring all the time. It's not fair. Last year someone who I kept in my life as my closest friend abandoned her kids for the SECOND time since I have known her in 9 years. The first time she convinced me that her family betrayed her, but after she did it this time, I found out the real story. Yet she had three amazing kids, who luckily she no longer has custody of any of them. But, still....
I woke up exhausted. No energy I had to force myself to do the 10 minute cardio kick boxing workout. But I did it and I will do it once more before the end of the day. I just keep remembering how painful the last biopsy was.... will it be this painful again? At least I'm not alone this time.
The struggles of life as you lose weight..... they never stop, you know? Life will always keep coming at you. We all cope in different ways. Some people smoke, some people drink, some people do drugs, some people gamble, and some people eat. I have always been a bit of an extremist..... My motto was complacency is toxic. It's strange how the years change you. Now I seek complacency and stability. I yearn for the simple life.
Anxiety has a pretty strong hold on me today and I do not want to get up off this sofa. Luckily, I have already cleaned my room, swept the kitchen and cleaned it up. Did my 10 minutes of cardio and started on dinner. Bradley has been wanting BBQ pulled pork sandwich since we started our healthy journey, so I've looked around the web for some healthier versions and ultimately took some ideas from all of them to make a BBQ pulled CHICKEN sandwich! I'm pretty excited to see how it turns out.
Maybe I should make a recipe section? What do you think?