So as I noted yesterday, I did not want to weigh myself, but I did it.... and I was upset. I regained half of what I lost, I mean really. ARGH! I didn't want to blog my failures, but I need to. I need to look back and see patterns and remind myself that I will fall down, but I need to get back up.
How did I do so well for two weeks? What caused me to be that distracted? How much weight did I give back to my body by letting life get in the way? Is tracking my food really that important? These are all questions that I need to face. I've been on this journey for a month now. I let life get in the way a few times.
There are always excuses to let life get in the way. I do it all the time. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression some years ago, as a child actually. In the last 2 years I've stayed off medicine and some days it's a struggle. Additionally the last couple years in a row the people closest to me in my life (both family and friends) have completely betrayed me causing me to become tad jaded. I actually got up to my heaviest weight less than 2 years ago I was 347 pounds and miserable. I always think of that, I don't want to be there, I CAN NOT BE THERE AGAIN!
I moved to Hawaii a little over 2 years ago and my life changed. The person I was with had been my best friend and after almost 8 years I hated being around him, I saw what I had become, what he had become. I don't really know where or when it all happened..... us not liking each other anymore, but we didn't. When he left Hawaii I kept thinking "who hates Hawaii?!" I loved it. I was happy there and that's when I began my journey. Although I put on some of the weight I lost post surgery I will NOT allow myself to get that high again. Never.
So this blog I keep will be my journal for a journey about the struggle of daily life as I try to lose. Because I noticed..... life will ALWAYS try to knock me down and I always get knocked down, but one day I will have the strength to stare at life as it tries to knock me down and stay standing. For now, I will just get back up when life knocks me down, but one day I will stay standing when life tries knocking me down!